Transforming Our Emotions & Behaviors
A guide to understanding our unhealthy perceptions and responses and how to replace them with truths based on God’s Word.
Motivated Perception
Motivated perception is seeing what you want to see. This is why two people can see the same thing and come away with a completely different perception. You see the world differently. This is dangerous because we can make wrong conclusions based on misguided perceptions.
". . . you have a vested interest in interpreting information in a way that suits your needs and protects your ego." -Sanju Pradeepa
Our Perception is Driven By Our…
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What you want to be true.
We accept information that confirms our beliefs at face value
We subject contradictory information to critical evaluation.
We interpret ambiguous information in a way that confirms what we want to believe.
Example: You believe what your political candidate says at face value but subject their opponent to critical evaluation.
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What you need to be true.
Example: You drive past someone with car trouble. Your need to be justified in your actions will influence you to notice all the reasons why that was okay.
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What we expect to happen leads us to notice certain details while ignoring others.
Example: You think your spouse is lazy. Your expectation of laziness will influence you to only notice things that directly affect you that are not being done. Meanwhile, you will subconsciously ignore the things they are accomplishing.
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Your perception of a situation will tend to correspond to your emotional state or emotional interest.
Example: You’re having a rough day; everything is going wrong. Someone comes up to you and asks if they can help. Your negative emotions will influence your perception of what they are saying. You will probably feel ridiculed and think they are implying you’re not capable of handling the situation.
What We Do Wrong
We accept information that confirms our beliefs at face value. We subject contradictory information to critical evaluation.. We interpret ambiguous information in a way that confirms what we want to believe.
We will notice specific details while ignoring others. We filter out information that contradicts our desires or attitudes. When we want or expect to see something in a particular way, we tend to do so.
When we’re in a particular emotional state, we tend to attend to information that matches that state selectively. We tend to interpret events and social cues in a way that confirms what we’re already feeling.
Preventatives
Your reaction to information will tell you a lot about your own motivations. Ask yourself why you are reacting this way. Can you prove your thinking with verifiable evidence?
Research both sides of the issue, including advocates and rebuttals. What are their most vital points? How are they rebutted? Don’t focus on weak arguments. Use primary sources when feasible. Understand the limitations of secondary sources.
Listen for motivated perception on both sides.
Play skeptics advocate with information you agree with. Ask yourself how else you could see this information. What is being assumed? Could this be seen in a positive light? Consider what was said or done, not how it is interpreted.
Consider the information in context.
How did both sides come to their conclusions?
Ensure both sides use the same definitions and discuss the same things.
Recognize that perception is subjective. We all see the world through the lens of our own experiences, beliefs, and biases.
The T.R.U.T.H. Journal
The T.R.U.T.H. Journal can help you manage emotions, reduce anxiety, and align thoughts with biblical truth by writing down anxious thoughts, identifying lies, and replacing them with truths. Many times, we respond to untrue thinking. The T.R.U.T.H. journal helps us to see the truth.
Using the T.R.U.T.H. Journal
It’s best to journal consistently for at least five days a week for at least three weeks.
Find time to reflect on the previous twenty-four hours, not in the heat of the moment, but at a designated journaling time.
In T.R.U.T.H., the "U" is first. The reflection order will be U, T, R, T, H.
You will start to notice patterns in your responses. Processing this information will help you prepare so you don't respond the same way in the future. This will take some time, so be patient with yourself.
Reflection
U: Unhealthy Experience
Was there a particular experience where you displayed unhealthy behavior or upset emotions?
Examples:
You feel sad because you think others don't value your opinion. After all, they did not incorporate your idea in the final product.
You become angry when your child did not notice that the dishes needed to be done.
T: Trigger
What was it that triggered my emotion or behavior?
Examples:
After I spoke, they never referenced what I said or brought it back up again.
Seeing the dirty dishes in the sink and my child doing their own thing in their room.
R: Reflection
What was I thinking when I experienced the trigger?
Things to Reflect Upon:
Bad Theology: Am I responding to a situation in the wrong way because I'm not correct in my understanding of God's Word, or am I only looking at a piece of what the Bible says about a subject?
Irrational Beliefs: Am I responding to a situation in the wrong way because I'm not taking everything into account? My motivational perception has me only seeing what I expect to see, need to see, desire to see, or match my emotional state at the time.
Unrealistic Expectations: Sometimes, it helps to attach your need/want to your feelings (“I feel disappointed when Sue brought up a counterpoint because I want everyone to agree with what I say.” When we say it out loud, we can notice the unrealistic expectation.) What concrete action would you or others have to take to reach the state you're looking for? (Again, this can reveal our unrealistic expectations when we have to put them into words.)
It is important for us to understand that it is not the triggers that cause the unhealthy response; it is our thoughts about the triggers. Triggers may provoke us, but they are never the cause of our feelings or behaviors. This section will take you the most time as you have to dig a little deeper.
Examples:
I thought my idea was great, and we should have implemented it. The others should have agreed.
I was thinking my youth ignored the dirty dishes in the sink. It took me two seconds to notice that they needed to be cleaned. They knew I would do them because I'm tired of having to nag them all the time to help take care of our home.
T: Truth of God
If I had not been operating from this bad theology, irrational belief, or unrealistic expectation, what would be the proper way to view the situation?
Examples:
The Bible reveals that we are not perfect. Everything I think or do is not always correct or the best. So, it is irrational for me to believe everyone must agree with and implement my ideas.
It is unrealistic for me to expect my youth to notice things regarding the upkeep of the home. However, helping them develop this skill is part of my job as their parent. But even then, their minds are on the important things to them. I'm concerned about the dishes because they are important to me.
H: Healthy Response
If I have the same trigger again, knowing what I know now, what should a healthy response look like?
Examples:
I realize it is okay for people to have different opinions. I have to be humble and realize I need to trust others in the group who might know a better way of doing things than I do.
Instead of making myself mad by assuming they refused to do the dishes, I should gently remind them to complete the task. I forget things, and my child will also.